Saturday, July 19, 2014

getting my wild back on again.

********






just yesterday, i felt my wild coming back to me, 
after two months of not wearing my favourite beads and silverthings.
something happened in this last week --
a bonding of sorts -- 
and i could feel my heart swell within this ol' trunk of bones.
i found myself looking out and up. 
i donned a pony necklace, 
the chiming of the hollowform ringing its reminder to my spirit, 
and i clasped a multicolouring of beads 'round with the pony -- 
you are wilde.
set yourself free.
set yourself right in the world.


*

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

this is what peace feels like.

********



i find myself crawling up out of a hole. 
there is still some sadness tugging at the crumpled edges of my heart. 
but, there is joy. 
there is contentment. 
my life is perfect, as it is. 
and in all this, there is peace. 

****

"go beneath the many languages of desire....
for our peace depends on whether we fight or ride the stream."


********

Monday, July 14, 2014

comfort.

********





trying to keep it all together.
working overtime, sleeping my allotted hours, taking care of home and homestead
while mister pencilfox is out netting sockeye salmon for my daily meals.
sometimes i feel
there's not enough hours in a day
but there's always time to sit at the studio table, cup of tea at hand,
there's always time to jot down thoughts and feelings into my journal. 


****

life is good. 

********



a tiny little heart adventure.


********





these little wontings,
these little desires for wanting things to be a certain way,
have plumb driven my head into a spin,
have driven my heart into a deep miry sorrow.
i was beginning to feel disconnected and [i'll admit it] quite melancholic.
a dear friend,
such a dear dear soul,
told me i needed an adventure to scour off the rust.
so when mister pencilfox stated to me
-- you haven't driven the tractor, yet, this summer --
this was my call for a tiny little adventure.
a tiny little heart adventure.

i've taken lately to drawing hearts on my hands.
i can hear my mother, now, warning me against blood poisoning by doing such an act.
and this strikes me as quite funny, to remember her words mid-july.
i had been entertaining the notion of another tattoo
-- hearts and leaves and curlicues --
but for now, i'll just continue drawing on my hand,
daring my heart to cross a figurative line in the dirt,
come on, now, you big ol' heart within my soul, i dare you to continue dragging me down.

****

life is good.
so very very good….


********



Wednesday, July 9, 2014

a part of something larger.

********




as is my usual routine, once a day, during not-winter
i go up coyote hill to the garden area. 
this particular evening, 
this very day, 
as i made my way up the hill,
i was thinking and pondering and pensing, 
and most likely praying, 
and there at my feet, as i prepared to open the garden gate, 
were three four-leaf clovers. 
after picking salad greens, and watering all the plants, 
i made my way along the fence to where my beloved angelo's bones have been lay'd to rest,
that place, near pluckie's tree. 
i rested awhile on the stump of wood i use as a church pew, 
sitting there, looking 'round me, 
realizing that i follow many paths on my daily spiritual journey, 
knowing that all these paths lead to the source. 
it was then that i felt a great compassion for my friends, 
great love for my little alaska family, 
and appreciation for those who make up this great big ol' family of mankind. 

life is good. 
life is quite grand, in fact, 
and i wish i had each of you with me, here, 
to sit in silence, 
to sit in prayer, 
at my little spot on coyote hill. 

********

Sunday, July 6, 2014

being heard.

********




i've been pondering, pensing, writing.
i'm discovering my voice, hidden somewhere deep down within me,
finding the strength and courage to speak the truth.

and, one day recently, i found myself shaking in my boots,
trembling with fear as to how my words would be accepted,
afraid i would turn inside-out,
but, by golly, i spoke the truth, out-loud-spoke-the-truth,
and the earth did not crack open,
nor did i keel over for saying what i felt had to be said.

****

life is good, ya' know??

********



 

Friday, July 4, 2014

meanderings.

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i find myself meandering these days. 
it is easy for me to become lost in thoughts and dreams.
fortunately, i live with a man who doesn't mind if i wander off, body or mind. 
i usually announce to him my soon-exit
[byenow, i'm leaving]
or i'll leave little notes on the basement door
[up on the hill] 
and he knows i'm within finding range. 

the matanuska river is wide and meandering, 
just a mile away. 
parts of it can be jumped across
[if one is wearing their xtratufs]
and other parts could sink a boat, 
what with occasional deep torrent which appears to rise above the river itself. 
the matanuska eats at her banks, rips houses from their foundations, 
and she shakes and rumbles the very ground she claims. 

at times, the matanuska scares me with her power. 
at times, my thoughts and meanderings scare me, shaking and rumbling my soul.
i believe it is this reason that i love that mountain, just over there, 
on the other side of the matanuska. 
crag. 
i can see crag from our deck, 
and just at the top of coyote hill, crag calls to my spirit. 

this little piece of pencilfox heaven-on-earth allows me my freedom, 
allows me my meanderings, on foot or in my thoughts. 

i have been displeased, lately, uneasy, almost, with the nonessentialness 
of what i see online. 
it is for that reason that i am disconnecting from a couple internet sites i used to frequent. 
you know where to find me, whether it is here, where i share stories nonetheless,
or by snail mail, which i adore. 

and if you care to drop in on me, we can meander together up coyote hill….

****

life is so very grand, ain't it?

********