and, so: this is how it goes.

********

this past two weeks.

this clay vessel. 

this physical corporeality: 

i was ready to be done with it. 

 this past two weeks:

the pain was so intense. 

i cried. 

no: i sobbed. 

this past two weeks:

i fought to keep body and soul together. 

the thoughts were not like anything

i had experienced in years. 

the thoughts were not my own. 

an allergen daemon had settled into my cellular lattice. 

this past week.
this was said to me: 

"you certainly are in tune with your body."

yes. 

yes. i am. 

 after much journal'ing. 

after much searching deep inside.

it finally struck me: 

what i was feeding my body was indeed attacking me.

 last evening:

mister pencilfox suggested we take a drive. 

"let's go north" he said. 

"we haven't been up that way in quite a while." 

as we drove the winding road northward:

i realized i had not been in this territory 

since the 23rd of february in 2004. 

as we drove northward

i realized the last time i had been here:

mister pencilfox. 

pluckie.

me.

a drive into the hinterlands. 

 i remember what i was feeling that day. 

i remember i was healing from a blow:

to my heart.

to my soul. 

i cried that day, too: 

i sobbed for loss i was feeling. 

i wept for the healing that had to happen. 

but that day, too:

i knew i would be alright. 

i knew time would heal my spirit. 

 finding myself in the same place:

it was time for healing. 

once again. 

 mister pencilfox suggest'd we stop for tea and pie. 

we held hands:

mister pencilfox said grace. 

we talked. 

we sat in sweet silence. 

time can heal all wounds. 
love. 

pure sweet love. 
one must love oneself in order to love others. 
much needed grace....

********