coyote ramblings.

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i don't know what's wrong with me lately. 
or, maybe, i do. 

maybe it all started with having to work a 52-hour week
and a dear friend died right in the middle of that week just after we said 
goodbye
and i was unable to give myself time to grieve. 
last night i spoke harshly yet honestly
and then felt ashamed yet pleased
because the old way of communicating just wasn't working for me. 

then. 
this morning. 
mister pencilfox and i worked side-by-side in the kitchen
preparing our meal of thanksgiving 
and
i felt more at peace than i had in a long time. 

the morning eased in through grey skies and high clouds and gentle snow flurries.
i looked around me and felt blessed by bits of colour. 
after all, during this season of white i need my colours. 

after our meal, mister pencilfox picked the turkey off the bones
and
as per my tradition
i drove down to the matanuska river
with alpenglow sunset colours out on the southwestern horizon
and 
placed the turkey carcass down near the river
for the wandering fox and coyote wayfarers,
silently speaking a prayer of thanksgiving. 

tears welled
and
my heart swelled
and 
i knew
i know
all is as it is meant to be. 

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Comments

Farm and Field said…
I've been wondering about you, you've been a bit silent lately. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.
Thank you for giving a blessing of food to the wild things, I love that about you.
Be well, dear woman
pencilfox said…
all is as it should be.
and i love *everything you* about YOU.
prairiegirl said…
Oh man, your words so honest and so real and heart wrenching.
Yet, you handle it all with such grace and a 'knowing' of the how and why.
Meant to be. That's all there is. Acceptance is gift that you've mastered, after you have those talks with yourself.
I can picture you down by the rivers edge, leaving a gift to the wild ones! That's the most touching thing I've ever heard. Thank you for that!
It also looks like that sunset kissed you pink aglow...
Beautiful thoughts of you, soaring through the wind right now. Hope you get 'em.
xO
Bellsprings said…
You look beautiful, my sister. And such beautiful words and acts.
Emma O said…
Don't know what to say except that I love this so much. Lots of love to you and yours, human and coyotes alike.
pencilfox said…
i laughed at how PINK i looked after being out in sub-zero winds….
xo
pencilfox said…
i love you, sister mine.
pencilfox said…
lots of love to you, too, my friend so far away….
Allisunny S. said…
What a beautiful gesture of kindness!!! Xoxoxo
Cat said…
oh you woman of magic goodness
your words today touch my heart
I love the image of you going down to the river side with your offering to our furry friends
oh oh oh
that warms my heart
I am grieve with you your friends passing
death is not easy to swallow sometimes....most times
but life will spring from that death..this I know

blessings love and light to you
special lady!
xo
pencilfox said…
gotta take care of my animals, you know.
xoxo
pencilfox said…
love to you, my sister.
xo
MrsLittleJeans said…
Lovely reading your words and feeling what it was like for you...thanksgiving seems to solve many of our problems, doesn't it? xx
pencilfox said…
being thankful puts it all into perspective….
xx
Sorrow said…
sometimes the leaning in, is the listening..~smile~
Sorrow said…
OMG! it let me comment! whooo-hooo!
pencilfox said…
my dear friend….i'm so glad that blogger finally let you comment here….

and you are so correct: the leaning in is my lesson.
M+ said…
Sooooo sorry to hear you lost your friend.
It's such a heart piercing experience. You know I've been there...
It takes a long while of grieving which happens in spurts. It's not an even, straight forward path... More like a meandering country road.

Sending you big ole bear hugs!

Cute little rabbit and beautiful lichens for your ears!
Take care xo