transitions.

********

today i turned off the phone, fed the tribe, brewed some chai, 

and sat at the table, pencil and journal at hand. 

music played on the crazy-loud-sweet bose. 

i wrote a few lines, 

scribbled out the day's list. 

berry bowl in hand, i stepped down the stairs and out the door. 

what have i become, my sweetest friend? 

everyone i know goes away in the end. 

these words played on repeat through the empty spaces of my mind

as i stepped into the raspberry patches, 

grasses and clover and fireweed at foot, tangling 'round my feet. 

spiders and inchworms and monsters-of-the-brush be damned, 

i wished for mister pencilfox to be 

at my side fearlessly picking the ripe berries, 

not paying any mind to the wee creatures that clung to the branches. 

he's good at that. 

no fear. 

*

i gently pushed through the tangle of green-and-thorns, 

hearing instead dress-up dresses rustling on their hangers, 

moving one against the other, 

young girls peering and choosing for that special occasion. 

*

i have felt the need to weep, today. 

not wanting to cry, yet the tears pooled and streamed. 

my cartographer said to me earlier this week -- 

you have replaced one job with another. 

relax. 

find yourself. 

let life come as it will. 

i don't know how to do this. 

i don't know how to relax. 

i don't know how to transition. 

*

if i could start again

a million miles away

i would keep myself

i would find a way....

********