small stones. 8.
********
being as how *8* is my number,
this stone should be large and not small.
it should be a boulder, about the size of the granite monstrosities on this
alpine hinterland acreage.
the prompt for this post was "discipline"....SELF discipline.
i don't know what makes me so overly self-disciplined, to the point of being driven.
i am just so very driven.
i happened upon this small stones 30-day exercise just by accident.
no. wait. not totally by accident.
i read a friend's blog and she linked to it as something she was doing.
it appealed to my spirit, and here we are.
****
so, back to self-discipline.
i do what i can, what i must, to make myself feel better:
eat well, limiting certain foods.
drink plenty of water.
no coffee, just tea.
exercise daily.
write in a journal.
visit my friends' blogs.
some days i feel fairly rotten and i don't know why.
maybe some of it is due to blips of past injuries to my soul.
i happened upon this small stones 30-day exercise just by accident.
no. wait. not totally by accident.
i read a friend's blog and she linked to it as something she was doing.
it appealed to my spirit, and here we are.
****
so, back to self-discipline.
i do what i can, what i must, to make myself feel better:
eat well, limiting certain foods.
drink plenty of water.
no coffee, just tea.
exercise daily.
write in a journal.
visit my friends' blogs.
some days i feel fairly rotten and i don't know why.
maybe some of it is due to blips of past injuries to my soul.
in the past, the long-ago-and-should-be-forgotten past,
things happened to me which i cannot explain why.
things i cannot forgive.
things happen to all of us, things which cause us hurt and damage.
we're all like injured animals, bounding along in life 'til someone raises a hand to us
and the should-be-forgotten hurt lands hard on our hearts.
that reminder.
that sorrow.
that feeling that somehow we deserve to be hurt, because we aren't all that good anyway.
i don't always believe that forgiveness is necessary.
if we cannot forgive, then we just accept that we cannot forgive and move on.
i feel that part of my drivenness is that i have been told over and over
that i must forgive,
that forgiveness is necessary.
i cannot forget some things.
i cannot forgive some things.
so i just continue on and practice self-discipline.
********
Comments
xoxo.
i understand (i think) what you are saying about forgiving and forgetting, and i agree.
that said, what mlj said above is something that i have realized just lately-- forgiving instantly frees us of the excess baggage that we would otherwise carry. now when someone does something decidedly not right, i stop and think to myself: YOU screwed up. I'M not carrying that. as soon as i take my hurt out of the equation i find them much easier to forgive, and i find it working retroactively as i move forward.
sorry to ramble on...
i just printed out your photo. it sparkles in the light.
xx
you may ramble on ANY time, dear friend. remember that. this is an open place for my friends to comment as they will.
xx.
YOU sparkle in the light!
They say forgiveness is really for the forgivers, that it brings internal peace, and they may well be right.... Logically I know it, but my heart won't completely agree.
I have found that for myself, the forgiving is easiest when I look hard at my own multitude of mistakes for which I pray others can forgive me. I try to offer forth what I need in return, but then maybe in that respect forgiveness becomes downright selfish, and what good is that?
That being said, I don't believe in equality among mistakes. For me, there are certain shadows which will always remain, and I'll not bring them to grace. You ARE good, and DON'T deserve to be hurt, and there is no rot in you, and not all wrongdoings deserve forgiveness, and not all forgivers find peace.
I love that you know yourself so well.
i was going to alter this post, delete the parts spilled forth about not forgiving, but it's out there now. i didn't mean for it to be negative. i had just listened to a couple of my favourite authors address this subject, and on the day of "self discpline" it was out there in my mind, ready for the posting. self discipline, for me, means holding fast to what works for me. i'm not a bad person. i just choose to not forgive certain wrongs done to me in the past, parts of my life robbed from me which i'll never have back.
i love that you know yourself so well, also.
temet nosce, eh? xxxx