love. or something like that.

****

this evening i took a jaunt up the hill, a quick one,  

 although hindsight is 20/20 

and i should have sauntered. 

it's been an emotional few days, back to work after 2-1/2 weeks of leave time. 

and i know you are saying "she's always having an emotional time of it…."

but that's just the nature of this beast. 

that's just who i am: 

sensitive.

wondering. 

passionate. 

feeling. 

so this trip up the hill was for one purpose 

and then it turned into a multi-purpose field trip of sorts,

camera at the ready, 

essential oils to fight off the crazy swarms of this-year's hatch of mosquitos. 

i'm overcome with heartjoy and love 

and something like that, 

something i cannot name or place a label upon, 

 when i look at all the transformations taking place around this large bit of acreage

i so lovingly call pencilfox acres. 

one of the best gifts bestowed upon me by the universe

was and is

mister pencilfox. 

that man. 

once i accepted that there would be many changes in my life, 

many turns and twists, all for the better, 

i gave him free license to cut roads, harvest trees for workshop timber,

lay a new garden plot, 

and take ownership of what is now half his. 

you see, 

that other guy only ruined my heart and cut a wide swath of destruction 

through my soul, 

leaving a chasm so deep and wide and dark 

a vessel much larger than your ordinary rowboat could sink into it and be lost forever. 

and then, 

i met mister pencilfox. 

seventeen years ago today we went on our first real ask-me-out date. 

and i learned, then, that he can shed tears at the drop of a hat

when moved by something that shakes his soul. 

and i learned, in that dark and late night, that he loves alaska and the great outdoors. 

and i learned after it was all said and done, real true love of the meant-to-be sort

really does exist. 

i look at how i am changing, 

physically and emotionally, transforming within my heart and soul, 

and i accept these changes, 

knowing they are inevitable, calling them for the better, 

knowing my character is developing and growing stronger. 

i am aging, as we all do, as we all will. 

and i feel most blessed to wander around inside this thing called love. 

****

life is good. 

********