this day.

********

here i sit, on the floor of the guest room, 

which is really my book and dawdle-about room. 

there are extra blankets and more books than one can read in a lifetime....

or maybe just a year....

there are special photos and prints and watercolours 

hanging on the walls. 

i'm sitting here because i wanted to gauge if this is adequate space 

for my new daily-of-a-morning yoga practice. 

you see....retraite is not what i thought it to be, 

not what i wanted it to be....

and i'm finding that i'm broken. 

not broken like i need fixing

but broken in that i am done with my old ways. 

for too long i have looked to others to provide my happiness, 

and quite conversely, i have sadly-enough felt i needed to 

manipulate others and how they feel about me. 

i know myself well :: i seek to understand myself better. 

i am committed....dedicated....to change. 

there will be the occasional faux pas or backslide.

i will have to begin again. 

i have been waking early to practice yoga moves, 

to give my body the gentle push it has been begging for -- 

to move more fluidly and to be a healing vessel for my spirit. 

this is a gift to myself -- to have this space and this time

for the physical, 

for the intention, 

for the resolve. 

******