A letter to Social Media. [WARNING: honest and transparent language follows.]

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Dear Social Media. 

Please don't misconstrue my absence and silence 

while the world writes posts and shows photos, 

the horrid deaths of

Ahmaud Arbery

and

George Floyd

and the resulting fallout of protests. 

I can't. 

I just can't. 

Although my heart is broken over what so horrifically happened to 

these two young men, 

I just cannot look at another photo, another post. 

This does not mean, however, that I am not praying, 

that I am not crying over the unimaginable ends to their short lives. 

Today

in church

our three Reverends prayed for these young souls 

and their families

and the violence now shaking the ground under us all. 

But. 

My sensitive self is extremely empathetic and empathic. 

I am feeling information overload. 

There are many good folks out there in the world, 

but also many mean, negative, hostile folks, 

and these are the ones creating the chatter that is so awfully deafening 

to my soul. 

I am here. 

Right here. 

And, I am in prayer. 

Just this morning, 

as I walked up Coyote Hill 

with my pack in tow, 

I prayed. 

I wept. 

I prayed unceasingly. 

I was holding George Floyd in prayer. 

But, 

not only him, 

but I was holding all of us, 

the entire states that are so un-united right now.

So. 

Do I have a right to speak of this?? 

I read recently 

that if one is not Black, 

one should not be commenting right now. 

Wait a doggone minute here. 

Race riots happened in the local town wherein 

"the family business" 

was located. 

A young Black soldier was found hanged by his own t-shirt 

while stationed in the Cairo jail in 1967. 

The authorities stated 

he committed suicide. 

This event sparked race riots that lasted for three years 

and forever affected the overall. 

You know what I mean?? 

Hatred ruined the beautiful city of Cairo, Illinois. 

I was just a child when I overheard phone conversations about the race riots

in Cairo. 

I remember so clearly how I felt in my spirit. 

And, I still feel it. 

So. 

Here we are now.

My heart aches, 

because,

even though I am a White girl, 

these are my people, too. 

I grew up in Southern Illinois, 

I carry the gentleness of Black folks in my heart, 

and these are MY people, too. 

Oh. 

And, by the way. 

I am finding heart rocks by the handful these days. 

I pray, I weep, I look down, 

and there's another heart rock. 

The first heart rock I discovered this morning 

appeared right after I finished praying for

George Floyd. 

I carried it to church with me 

and pressed it into my Pastor's hand as she hugged me. 

Is God's heart as equally broken as what we feel in our hearts?

God engages with us through Jesus coming to earth as a man. 

But, God does not break. 

That's a human condition. 

But, read this -- 

the sermon this morning reminded me that 

we should not be looking back if it does not glorify GOD. 

Stop looking to the past 

unless it glorifies GOD. 

HE wants us looking forward. 

The Lord God is for us, fighting for us. 

Believe it. 

Do some praying while you are scrolling through social media posts. 

Whatever you believe, keep it positive and say some prayers. 

If you must look through social media posts, 

pray when when you look at those photos, 

pray when you look at the names of those involved. 

Even if you do not believe as I do, 

pray. 

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Here and now, life is good. 

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