From where I stand.

 

*****

Every day is a day of thanksgiving for me. 

Not that I eat turkey and pumpkin pie and all the fixings every day of my life, 

but I learned this from a friend: 

Upon opening your eyes every morning let your first thought be "thank you." 

That's pretty much how I live my life

and go forward into thanksgiving. 

Don't get me wrong. I ain't perfect. Some days I feel the very real challenge to 

stay upright in the water 

and not fuck everything up. 

Lately I've been doing pretty good. 

Lately, after saying my initial thank you, I have been setting my intentions for the day. 

But something I learned when working with my herd back in September is this: 

I know myself best, 

and honouring that, I am making myself aware of what I am feeling, 

holding true to each feeling and acknowledging it, every feeling. 

Then, when someone approaches me

or

when I become somehow engaged with them and my feelings suddenly change, 

I will know that's their thinking and feeling

and not allow it to affect me. 

Do you know what I mean?

After all, that's why I entered therapy this time 

-- most specifically Equine Therapy -- 

because I was becoming overwhelmed with too many feelings

and trying to figure out everyone. 

*

Last evening, in twilight light, Pintō and I snowshoed. 

It had begun snowing in the afternoon, 

and as we headed up the hill, 

the snow stopped falling and stars were twinkling in the heavenlies.

After entering back into the warmth of the house, the snows began falling in earnest. 

Today, after helping with snow removal and cooking the entire thanksgiving meal by myself, 

I washed all the dishes, did the clean-up, changed out of my dress, 

and donned clothing more appropriate to punching trail (again) on Coyote Hill. 

This time I "plugged in" and listened to a podcast which is a repeat listen for me. 

I do that sometimes, listen to the same podcast over and over again

until I get it. 

Punching trail this time was easier because instead of 20-something inches of snow, 

it was only 8 inches of fresh snow. 

Easier, yes. 

Time-consuming, yes. 

Enjoyable, yes. 

O, Yes. 

*

And, for the sake of honesty and transparency, 

I'll say this: 

I left Grief behind me this past Saturday, left it with my herd, left it in the barn. 

But I knew waves of sadness would still broadside me like rogue waves hitting a ship.

Now I simply accept them, these feelings. I feel them wash over my soul, and then, they recede.

I weep when by myself. I talk only with the people who understand and do not chide me. 

*

So, whatever Thanksgiving means to you, 

Happy Thanksgiving to you. 

I know what it means to me, and I greet you and leave you with sincerity in 

stating the words. 

May you be thankful, every time you wake from sleep. 

May you be thankful as you let your dog lick the dishes. 

May you be thankful for joy. 

May you be thankful for the not-joyful times that in turn bring you some gratitude.

May you be thankful for those whose sideways thinking makes you grateful for 

being true to yourself. 

After all, 

it's a good life. 

*****