Warning: Strong Language Content Herein.
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This Saturday past, Mister Jones and I attended a "meeting" wherein a dear dear friend was celebrating her 29th Sobriety Birthday. Many "oldtimers" were in attendance, and the room was packed. The meeting topic was gratitude, yet even those with longterm sobriety admitted to occasionally having the "fuck its." We all shared, and we all laughed, and some of us wept.
On the way home, Mister Jones told me "I didn't realize until I heard them talk about the 'fuck its' that I've had the 'fuck its' for the past year... probably even longer than that." I didn't know what to say except "I know... welcome back."
You see, we've struggled for the past who-knows-how-long within our relationship, and this past Spring, Mister Jones was going to leave. I cried and I worried and then I was OK with the possibility of being alone in my future. But, yet, I worked "the steps" with my friend, and wrote out all my resentments and fears and gratitude. I came to the realization that a lot of this was "his shit" and something he needed to work through. Then, he said what he said about knowing he had the "fuck its" for a good long while.
On Saturday, we decided to spend time together in the kitchen. Only when he had to ask me "where's the rolling pin?... where's the spices?... " et cetera et cetera did I recognize he's been "gone" from our relationship for a lot longer than I realized. I had to say again, "welcome back to life."
Things still ain't perfect, but I am practicing living in the now and staying out of the spinningwheel where the glass is half-empty. After all, there's a lot that's good in this life. Really good when I pause to visit all the gratitude in my heart.
Oh, and, that photo of Zig? Social Media reminded me it's been two years since Ziggy's last roadtrip in the Dodge Ram and our Rollee Home. I miss that dog like crazy, but I am sure he had a say in sending little Berr my way, as Berry exhibits so many traits that Ziggy lived-out in
day-to-day life.
And, speaking of social media, all the ads and interruptions in scrolling-through to look at the beauty posted by folks I follow makes me wanna chew off my coyote legs. Sorry for the run-on sentence, but you know what I mean. Social media only adds to the spinning in my head. So for now, you can catch me here at my real home, www.pencilfox.com
And, one more time, more to remind myself than anyone else, remember this:
it's a good life.
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Comments
The news these days is horrifying. But I make a daily conscious choice to focus on right here, right now...and always, always count my blessings twice.
Marriage is hard, or, relationships. Really. We need to quit selling our young the Fairy Tale! I have been married for 30 years, and think of leaving more often than I'd like to admit. We are complete opposites, which may attract, but rarely make for easy partnerships!
But...when my mister walks into the room, my heart does sommersaults, and I know I can't leave.
If you still have love in your heart for each other, its worth the fight. In my humble opinion. If we don't face challenges, we won't appreciate the good bits.
...but, you know all of this already.♡
I will send out extra loving, healing prayers for you both.♡♡
Keep coming back. I enjoy reading your comments.
Peace and blessings to you.
I hope you return to read these ramblings. I do so appreciate and love you.