pickles and light and jesus chai.

 ********

when he was seventeen and living in czechoslovakia, 

he was given two acres of land that was situated alongside the railway, 

two acres that was deemed undesireable and wasted. 

he planted the two acres in cucumbers. 

when it came time for the harvest, he hired his sister and her friend to help him

pick all these cucumbers, help him ship them out on the rail, 

because they were going to be made into czechoslovakian pickles. 

with his monies, he bought new bicycles for his sister and her friend. 

the townspeople admired him for his efforts. 

he walked around with money in his pockets.

"i was hot stuff" 

he said. 

****

i visited this man every night while at work. 

not just to hand-off medicine to him, not just to tuck him into bed,

but to listen to his stories, 

to witness his love for my wee man doggie ziggy grow into a bond that grew solid

through the past few years. 

ziggy would run to this man's room at lightning speed and stop short at the man's feet

to sit and wait for attention to be showered upon him. 

"ziggy boy"

he called him.

monday night. 

he came looking for ziggy, walked the halls 'til he found him. 

"i had to see my ziggy boy one more time....i couldn't sleep without seeing him."

they visited for thirty minutes before he returned to his room. 

come morning, come the break of day, 

ziggy's friend left on his stardust journey. 

i tucked his rosary into his cold hand and silently whispered all the catholic prayers 

that i could remember. 

we said our final goodbyes that morning. 

he knew. 

he knew. 

********

is there something in us that knows when our time is up?

is there a pull on the curled and ravel'd edges of our spirit?

is there a tugging at the tattered pocket of our hearts?

is there a whispering to our souls....?

you've lived a good long life. 

you've been the best you that you could be. 

it's time to lay it all down and rest, now. 

come rest amongst the stars....

****

 i won't lie to you: 

it's been a rough couple of weeks for my heart. 

it's been squished through the wringer and drawn out flat and left cold and empty.

 it has been left to wonder 

what the heck just happened here?

****

last night at work, there was a peace that settled over me. 

a talking....a pensing....

a longing to come to a place of peace where i stop looking at everyone as either 

friend or foe. 

everyone is on their own path. 

and for me:

i choose enlightenment. 

i like to feel how i feel when i talk badly about someone or some thing....

i feel dark and ugly and empty and full of hate. 

when i look for the good, when i look for the peaceable path, 

i feel light and joyfull and peaceful. 

full of light. 

and i'm not perfect by any means. 

i may fall away from this path i choose to be on, but at least i know how it feels to be 

a vessel of light.... 

to realize i was born of that light. 

****

on the way home this morning, i stopped by my favourite espresso stand. 

"i'll have a jesus chai"

i said to my favourite barista. 

"what is a jesus chai?"

according to a good dear friend, if jesus were walking this earth today, 

he'd totally drink a chai from this espresso stand. 

a jesus chai. 

****

life is good. 

********