ramblings :: dancing around it.
********
there's something going on inside of me.
an uneasiness.
a restlessness.
a wondering.
maybe it all came to be because i just entered another decade of life.
maybe it all came to be because i feel like i touched the edge of death
with the passing of my sweet sister.
maybe it all came to be because it's time.
who am i, really?
what do i want out of this dance of life?
what really matters to me?
will i achieve my goals, my dreams?
*
not too long ago i spoke with my brother.
it took a while to ease into the conversation because i didn't want to ask
how are you
or
what's new
or
what's going on
because his wife's passing is still too new and too fresh.
the pain is all too palpable.
yet, life must go on.
so we chatted about why he was still at work at 6 p.m.
and how busy he is.
then we talked about the flooding of the mississippi river.
and river rats.
and special wee brown mice.
and then, he talked of how he once again chanted the holy word
at a multi-denominational church service.
yet another reason i love my brother.
i believe i'll keep on wearing my little mouse brooch for awhile,
so that i can see it and touch it and think of george
and utter little prayers.
*
i have yet to clean off my studio table to prepare for sewing.
i carry knitting 'round the house and every time i leave to go elsewhere.
i'm waiting for that special project to speak to me.
i don't believe i'm in any danger with all this waiting and putting-off
because the ideas i hold are not going to leave me in search of someone else
to bring them into being.
[read big magic if you wonder what i am speaking of....]
my projects are
small
meditative
reflective
and allow me to think while my hands are busy.
*
each day is due a thank you.
each day holds magic.
each day is holy.
*
it's a good life....
********
