niggled.

********

alrighty then. 

it's like this today:

i'm feeling niggled. 

while chatting this morning with a good dear friend,

i learned the word. 

niggle. 

she's quite a wordsmith so i thought it was her word.

turns out, it's really a word. 

niggle.

to cause slight but persistent annoyance, discomfort,

or anxiety. 

a trifling dispute or criticism.

here's the rest of the story. 

mister pencilfox has been asking me to join him

at the local gym. 

granted, yes, it's been good for him. 

but i just don't see any way to fit it into my already-busy life. 

plus, when i have a day like today, 

where i have been up and down all three flights of stairs

uncountable times, 

it's not my activity level that needs to change. 

i have cleaned this house four times today. 

four times. 

i was in the basement sweeping up the latest muddy mess

and i broke down in tears. 

what i was feeling was pure total surrender. 

[which is somewhat akin to acceptance.] 

i just have to surrender to the fact that 

i live with a man

who forgets he is wearing his muddy outdoor boots

as he's bringing dinner to me so that i don't have to cook.

i love him dearly. 

but.

really??

he was outside, yet again, after i mopped, yet again,

hunting squirrels with pinto. 

here they come. again. muddy feet. 

that is when i broke down in tears. 

give me a man who brings home dinner.

i'll clean after him three million times a day. 

just don't ask me to join a gym. 

i get all the exercise i need. 

life is good. 

even when i'm feeling niggled.

********