midsummer ponderances.

********

today mister pencilfox found a woodpecker lying in the dirt 
while driving the tractor up the hill to go work on his sawmill. 

he stopped the tractor, scooped up her delicate little body, tucked her into his shirt. 

his attempts to revive the bird were successful....for a while.

he kept her close to his body while he worked at the mill,

and when she moved as if to fly, he set her inside the lumber storage shed

to shield her from the wind. 

but yet, she died. 

****

saying a silent prayer as i clasp the strand of mourning beads around my neck, 
i remember why these colour'd bits of glass and stones fell together so perfectly years ago. 
i was mourning the death of a very sweet and perfect friend -- 
snooker, my strongheart lead dog, whose feet ran at just-right speed,
and his spirit never waned. 
now i wear the beads whenever i am missing a loved one 
-- and there are many --
and i need to feel the sadness. 
you may not understand needing to feel deep sorrow, 
feeling it 'til it empties out your heart and your soul 
to the point where you are an empty bag of skin and nothing-elseness laying out flat,
then you pick yourself up and say 
"alright....i'm ready to move on."

i gently wrapped the woodpecker and carried her out to the bookshed,
giving her a proper burial, 
because mister pencilfox and i knew she deserved nothing less. 
she deserved to be honour'd, because she made that man's tender heart
even more tender. 

****

after filling water barrels, i tractor'd them up to the garden 
to perform my daily evening walking meditation. 
i dip water, pulling each bucketful out of the barrel, 
feeling the pain-yet-strength in the muscles of my shoulders and arms, 
pouring water into cans to carry them to the plants, 
negotiating the labyrinth of rows, speaking silent thankfulness 
for this alpine hinterland and the gift of living here. 

just when i think i don't have any religion, i realize that my heart and spirit 
already know the prayers to say. 

****

life is good:
this is my path.
this is my journey. 

********